Top Five Characters to Avoid While at a Summer Festival
It is that time of year when you might be inclined to enjoy a nice summer festival. What's not to like, music? friends? relaxing? It's all good in my opinion. These events typically draw people of all lifestyles from many locations around the world; so I can safely say there is definitely a 'diverse crowd' . Many of these individuals are pleasant to be around, pleasant to ALL the senses in some cases. Others are not. So I wrote this cheat sheet to quickly identify those of an unpleasant nature. Just a note, I use the term 'guy' but keep in mind that 'Girls' are just as unpleasant.
So in no particular order: The Top Five Characters to Avoid While at a Summer Festival
'Sweaty' Guy - Nothing wrong with a little perspiration, I mean it IS a summer festival, we are all a little sweaty. But the Sweaty Guy goes beyond perspiration, its like he rubbed primordial ooze all over his body and smells as such. Unfortunately, a common attribute of the Sweaty Guy is he's also a 'Hugger', which is a terrible combination.
What to look out for:
- A glistening sheen of unknown origin covering the body
- Typically shirtless, but if wearing a shirt: armpit sweat stains that meet in the middle
'Oblivious Dancing' Guy - Once again nothing wrong w/ getting your groove thing on. But to earn the title 'Oblivious Dancing' Guy, you have gone way past Cabbage Patching territory. Should you get anywhere within a six foot radius of this guy, you will get elbowed in the face, followed quickly by a glare that that implies you you rudely punched his elbow with your face.
What to look out for:
- Spastic, irregular movements
- Dancing with eyes closed
- A cloud of dust and limbs
'About To Spew' Guy - This guy can be any one of us, a toxic brew plus summer heat has turned even the best of us into 'About To Spew' Guy. The worst part about 'About To Spew' Guy is that he inevitably becomes 'The Guy Who Just Puked On Me Or Something I Liked' Guy. Luckily this person is relatively easy to spot and a timely deflection can avoid any uncomfortableness that this person brings to the party. Unless of course he blindsides you...
What to look out for:
- Skin color that is not a color you would use to describe skin
- Hand over mouth with chipmunk cheeks
'Wild Animal' Guy - Some people I have found are not content with the typical house pet: Cat, Dog, Hamster. Some people just need to have something a little more exotic and some of those people just need to bring it to a summer festival. Anaconda, Hyena, an f'ing Lion, I've seen some crazy things out there. These animals may very well be safe, but if you get mauled by a Baboon because you wanted to pet it, then that's on you...
What to look out for:
- an f'ing Lion
'There's Gotta Be Something Wrong w/ That' Guy - This guy is an enigma. He can manifest himself in many different forms. But once you start talking to him, you know you have met 'There's Gotta Be Something Wrong w/ That' Guy. Maybe he will pick you out from across the lot, your glances meet and he makes a bee line to you. Maybe you simply ask someone why they are eating Mac'n'cheese out of a baseball cap. Maybe he comes up and wants to trade you a rock he found in the woods for your shoes. However you meet this person, you know right off the bat that this encounter will inevitably go down hill as the interaction continues, so best to avoid this completely or bow out politely as soon as possible.
Things to look out for:
- Weird head gear (i.e. Flight Cap, Ski Goggles)
- An unmatched or missing shoe
- Crazy Eyes
Well, I sure hope this field guide will serve you well and make your Summer Festival a more pleasant one. If you have your own suggestions, please leave a comment. If you will be attending a summer festival, have fun and be safe be sure to say hi if you see me. I'll be the one in the flight cap and ski goggles.
